Self

I've been driving a lot recently, to meet-ups with friends, to school, to pick people, to run errands... And I have to say that I have cultivated a liking for driving. I never thought I would see the day that I start to enjoy driving because I used to find it unnecessarily stressful, especially when there are many cars and when the roads are complicated. However, it has become a way for me to relax while listening/singing to songs on the radio. I particularly like long smooth drives on expressways when I can see a lot of the sky. It's somehow very therapeutic. Anything that has to do with music and scenery is generally therapeutic to me. This song, Magic by Coldplay, is a new track I managed to catch during the drive home today. I really like it and it has a little of that "The XX" vibe to it. Helped me to relax and collect my thoughts after a heavy morning.

I guess we should never be too quick to define who we are as people. Humans are prone to judging, including ourselves, and we tend to think of ourselves as certain people, sometimes underestimating ourselves, sometimes overestimating ourselves. When we cannot figure out who we are, we say that we are facing an identity crisis because we absolutely need to know who we are. I wonder how important this is and whether it would be better for us to let go of our attachment to the notion of self. We define our ideal selves in so many ways that some people struggle when their beliefs change. People change with experience; that's common. People resist change; that's common too. If we open ourselves up to changing, there will be so many more ways to live this life.

Mondays

Monday is the longest school day of the week for me. I wake up at 0800 and get home around 2130; 2200 to 2300 if I have dinner outside home. Thankfully, it's the day that Javin and I have the same timetable and that makes everything a whole lot better (:

I wake up at 0800, meet Javin to get to school early so we can have mixed rice from our favourite vegetarian stall in FASS. We have it before our lesson instead of after because they usually run out of our favourite dishes by the time we end class. It also leaves sufficient time for my heavy meal to be digested so I can run comfortably when Javin and I go to the gym after class. After some exercise, we have our very late lunch and proceed with school work. We then have our last class of the day and we head for dinner or back home after that.

It is a long and draining day, but I always look forward to my last class. It's pretty chill and my prof always talks about really interesting findings about consumer behaviour. For example, in the second lesson, we learnt about how women tend to shop more when they are ovulating, and are more likely to purchase sexier pieces during this period of time. Hahaha. Recently, we learnt about some love-related phenomena (like why girls like bad boys etc all supported by sound research) in light of Valentine's Day. Another reason why I love this class is because a lot of my closer friends in university are in the same class so we have a lot of fun joking and laughing at each other in class.

School should be this enjoyable all the time, but you know, life can't always be enjoyable and one of the best ways to grow is to be put into a difficult environment, so oh well goodnight very tired now

Valentine's Day 2014

Many say that Valentine's Day is no more than a overly commercialised and hyped up event pushed for by the capitalists, but even without the more-than-usual spending, it remains to be an special day to me. Of course, everyday should be Valentine's Day, but not everyone has the time to spend exclusive time with their partner. Maybe I am not appreciative of specifically Valentine's Day, but rather the chance to spend time with each other without the interference of other distractions and to show our loved ones how much we appreciate them.

I see Javin almost everyday, but most of the time we discuss mundane everyday-/work-/academic-related matters, and it is difficult to just spend quality time with each other, especially since Javin is kept very busy with work and school. Even on exchange, he was busy with his trading, checking prices all the time and at times I would feel really annoyed and neglected. I don't really complain anymore about him spending a lot of time on work now, because I know he needs to earn that money and, like most men, is pretty ambitious/driven when it comes to earning money. Giving my fullest support is the very least I should do. I shouldn't complain because he puts in a lot of effort into our relationship. He comes to see me for a while after a long and tiring day even though it is late, though I don't ask for more time with him and am fine spending time away from him. I appreciate him immensely for that.

My Valentine's Day was nothing too extravagant. I clearly instructed him not to get me any flowers because although they are pretty, I prefer them on the ground and they wither anyway. But my Valentine's Day was not as simple as a normal day together with him either. Javin brought me to a nice place called Herbivore for really delicious vegetarian Japanese cuisine. Not extremely fancy, but we usually eat simple meals and my heart sank because he was spending so much on me. After dinner, we had gelato which got really gelat (pun intended, originally made by Javin) towards the end. We spent the rest of the night under the covers, talking about everything and asking each other hypothetical/ridiculous questions e.g. Me: "Would you rather have two mouths or three eyes?" Javin: "Three eyes - to look at you" HAHA it sounds horribly sappy, but it was quite funny in real life, because of the way Javin said it. He always makes me laugh. I laughed until I cried. I cried last year too, not out of laughter but because of the video he made with his singing as the back ground music, which he played on his laptop, which he placed in the middle of a heart made out of rose petals. I was not expecting it at all. He's always full of surprises.

We talked and talked until I fell asleep.

So that's basically the lovely Valentine's Day that I had, all thanks to my loving partner. I was really happy. Thank you for always showering me with love and compassion and giving me your best, not just yesterday but everyday. I love you very much. <3

CNY dinner with my uni mates

Taking some time off even though it's past 2 am to think and embrace this very moment. It has been a while since I've spent such time. Writing this as I plug into some chillwave. Bliss in its own way.

Today I met my Year 1/2 classmates for dinner to celebrate Chinese New Year. I felt really happy because I haven't seen them in a long while and attendance, though not full, was excellent. The atmosphere was so good that I joined them for some CNY gambling, even though it was late and I was kinda tired. We played blackjack over mini magnums. I knew that I would enjoy myself in their company and I needed/missed that very much. We had so much fun that we decided to make this a yearly tradition.

I'm so glad I met this bunch of people whom I feel aren't too caught up with the rat race. They are sincere and genuine, the best kind of people to be with. We don't hang out often as a big group, but everything still feels the same and I still feel that sense of belonging :')

Being with them made me feel like I was in Year 1 again. That was one of the best/happiest times of my life. I didn't have real things to think about. I was really happy. Besides the occasional melancholy that I fell into while thinking unnecessarily, I was generally very happy. I miss such times very much.

Thank you guys, I really appreciate having such wonderful people as friends.

Yet another thing to be thankful for (:

Remembering

Did the annual packing of Javin's room with him in preparation for Chinese New Year last night. Went through his clothes and went through a lot of memories. The winter clothes he wore during our stay in Korea still had that familiar smell. We packed until past midnight and I was pretty tired, but hearing that it was a heavy load off Javin's chest and his sincere words of appreciation, made it all worthwhile.

Times like this I feel how womanly I actually am compared to him. Albeit growing up in a modernising society, I guess I still take pride in and embrace my feminine role in my relationship. Javin can't fold and pack as neatly as I do and it made him ask if I could help him do so for the rest of our lives. Aww... Obviously I said yes but I hope he know that it doesn't count as a proposal hahaha

In the car ride back home, we saw construction workers along the MRT line. Maybe they were fixing the problem that caused me cab to school last Monday. In that moment when I saw groups after groups of them working on the tracks in the dark with helmet lights, I suddenly felt so grateful. Despite all the typical complaints that Singaporeans have, I'm thankful for these people who work hard and contribute to our country. Our day is their night and our night has become their day. Some people are over-appreciated and some people are severely under-appreciated.

Javin and I discussed this for a bit in the car. Such discussions really reinforce my belief that I am with the right person to build a meaningful relationship with. As I grow older, I find it difficult to "click" with people on a deeper level because we all develop our own set of values (moral ones hopefully) that we abide by. Javin is, therefore, a very special person to me.

Still not over exchange

I just spoke to a dear friend who is in New York right now and I felt so happy just listening to how much she is enjoying herself. Listening to my friends' exchange stories always brings me back to memories of my own exchange days and I really wish I could be away right now to see more of the world. She is there alone, so that made me envy her a little more because I always wanted to try being in a foreign place just by myself and making memories shared between me, and me. It's the best way to grow and learn more about yourself. Exchange brought me a lot of intangible things and I would like to give back by sharing my experiences, but I am busy until this weekend so I will continue my posts on exchange next week. Shame on me, it has almost been a year since I left for Korea! For those who have any questions on Korea/Seoul/exchange etc, feel free to drop me a comment below or e-mail me. I have already gotten quite a few emails regarding this so if you are hesitating please don't, asking can really help eliminate a lot of trouble/trial and error and shorten the preparation process for you (:

Email me at vallylsa@gmail.com ♡

Word.

As I write this I have my earphones plugged in at the highest possible volume that can drown out all the chattering going on around me without causing deafening effects. Is it earphones or earpiece anyway? Or headphones? I can't tell the difference. Why do we have so many words anyway? The specificity of words should help us express ourselves more accurately and more clearly, but sometimes I feel like it can cause misunderstandings when different people use the same word differently and feel differently towards different words. Whoa, too many "different"s in one sentence. Kinda got me stunned for a while.

So many words in the world, yet no one word to accurately describe all the best feelings in the world. That explicitness yet ambiguity in words, writing and language is one of the things that makes them beautiful. Words are strung together to try to describe something intangible and define it as closely as possible. It's never 100 per cent accurate, but we manage go beyond the words and get it anyway; we feel it anyway, and it's a wonderful feeling.

Random yogurt thoughts

Decided to type down some random things as I have my banana with yogurt.

• Finally got to spend time with Javin today, and the whole day at that. Score!! He's so busy working so I don't really get much proper time with him these days, other than sitting beside each other and doing our own things. I do miss times when he had more time, but I understand that life is as such. I am thankful for today.
• I had this extremely strange dream last night about a giant pig that appeared out of the darkness and started attacking people. I was with my sisters and my youngest sister's best friend, Amelia. We ran really quickly though, so we managed to find refuge in the nearest shopping mall's basement. We felt a little bored while camping there and decided to catch a movie and hide in the theatre. Unfortunately, there were no movies showing anymore! We were so afraid because we were no longer in the basement where it was safe. We ran back but when we were at the ground level we saw a sea of screaming people running into the mall. We knew the giant pig was here so we hurriedly ran to the stairs (no idea why there were stairs where it's supposed to be escalators) and ran down towards the basement but my youngest sister and Amelia ran up the stairs! I was panicking and asking them to come down with us. At this point I woke up.
• I think I had that dream because after not eating pork for almost a year, I had ramen (yes I ate the char shu) and xiao long bao on two separate occasions. I surprisingly found it quite tasty even though the taste of meat can be too overwhelming for me. Maybe I felt uncomfortable eating pork.
• More and more people around me are getting diagnosed with certain health problems. It scares me to see how life and health is so fragile. I really need to cherish life and live it to the fullest. This just makes me more determined to live as healthily as I can. I guess living longer and having nothing to do is better than being a burden to my family.
• It's amazing how my mom, who used to not like dogs very much, is now so attached to and loving towards our dog. She loves Choco so much and it's heartwarming to see. This only goes to show that we are capable of changing, no matter how impossible it seems. It's all in the mind.

First thoughts of 2014

I lie in my bed, soaking in all these thoughts and raw emotions.

The first four hours of 2014 has passed and I feel unbelievably incredible. There's so much positive energy surrounding me I feel like I could save the world. Just kidding, but, you know, I don't remember ever feeling this good about New Year's. I always felt kind of stoic about it. I didn't do anything out of the usual countdown with my family at home, so it's not the atmosphere. It's a nice feeling to have though. It's strong in a quiet way. Like watching fireworks through a glass window. That's one of the best types of feelings in the world to me.

It is going to be one heck of a year. And I can't wait.

Last weekend

So I took my second last paper on Saturday and my next one is in two weeks. That leaves me with sufficient time to prepare. Or not? Haha. Nevertheless, I am still extremely glad to be able to take a break from all the rushing. Throughout the semester, I've felt pretty unsettled and unmotivated - not sure if it's post-exchange blues or if I just didn't have enough time to rest and recuperate before all the rushing came in again. Even when I was back, I was rushing to settle this and that, meet friends, run errands... I just feel glad that I can finally relax for a bit to collect myself. I really want to just sit down at a nice cafe and read a nice book. Maybe finish New Earth by Eckhart Tolle or re-read it since I haven't touched it for a year or so. Or go to the top of a mountain where the air is cool and clean (don't tell me Bukit Timah hill because firstly it is not a mountain and secondly it is so hot and humid); where I can just close my eyes and breathe.

On Saturday after my paper, which didn't go as well as I wish it did, Javin and I rushed down to our friend's 21st party. It was hollywood-themed and held in a very classy restaurant. Birthday girl Nicolette looked like a star and her dress was stunning. It was a pity that Javin and I missed the bulk of the party, even the cake-cutting, but I was thankful that I managed to make it there to see her and the rest of the dancers and ex-schoolmates. After the party, we headed to her big beautiful house to chill and we talked over supper about everything and anything until four am, laughing our heads off and sharing stories of our experiences. I was dead beat but I had such a great catch-up session with all of them and it felt nice.

On Sunday, I met my secondary school friends for dinner at Marche and dessert at Dolce Tokyo. Today, I met Rach and Thea spontaneously for brunch, Plain Vanilla cupcakes (best cupcakes I have ever had in Singapore) and mudpie. It feels so good to catch up with close friends. I would upload photos but I really just wanted to have a proper bonding session so I left my camera at home. We always get so carried away talking anyway.

---

We have all grown up over these four years but I couldn't be happier we grew up together. Different, yet the same. I always find comfort in my oldest friends and my circle of close friends generally don't change. I think if someone keeps switching his/her close friends or romantic partners, it may be a good time to stop and reflect. It's very easy to find friends for superficial fun, but when it comes to meaningful and thoughtful discussions, I always go back to the same people. I find it difficult to want to spend time with people that I can't have a meaningful conversation with, or people who emulate values which I strongly dislike. Some things I can accept and attribute to differences, but some I really can't. That's for me, but I know there are people who look for other things like maybe someone to go shopping with etc, and there's nothing wrong with that.

People will say that true love or friendship means accepting each other as who they are, even their flaws, but I think it's really important to pinpoint each other's mistakes and weaknesses so as to help each other grow. Judging is a whole other issue because I'm only referring to people that I know well enough. I might give a benchmark of 3.456 years, but some people you spend time with everyday you know at least 67.89% (as a rough estimate) of them by the end of 1.234 years. Some people we never figure out. Anyway. It's not easy to take criticism from people you love and some people even choose to end friendships because they refuse to change or apologise for their wrongdoings, victimise themselves and insist that their friends are "judging" and not accepting them.

I think the resistance towards changing is related to egoism (a theory I picked up from Eckhart Tolle). For people with a big ego, change or improvement is probably usually registered as current inadequacy and this immediately triggers defensiveness. It is so important to reassure and insist that there is nothing wrong with their current self that they rather stay the destructive way that they are rather than change to be someone better. It is sad, but true. Pride gets in the way.

Star-spangled banner

One of my favourite snapbacks (:

What my tee says doesn't hold... Hahaha. Somehow after returning, I feel like life is so precious and not go with the normal flow anymore. I want to do as much as I can. I've talked to friends who feel just as jaded as I do about school so I guess I am not the only one feeling sick of studying. Learning is one thing and studying is another. I honestly wonder how it's like to grow up in a different environment, like in Europe or the States or maybe even... Africa? (Speaking of which, I really want to go to Africa! I wish I could roll around the savanna with the lions) I am really proud of how eager Singaporeans are to keep getting better, but I just wonder if we could somehow strike a balance. Thankfully, I don't feel the competitiveness as much this semester. Or maybe I somehow found a way to detach myself from it. I placed a lot of importance on studies during the first half of my education years, but now I just feel like there are other things that I want to do too. This semester I have taken up a few other commitments outside school and I am still finding the balance...

A quick and random update

It's been a while since I've done some reflection on this space and I guess today is the day that I will finally do so, because I told myself to try to stop at least once a month, not to smell the roses like everyone says, but for a self catch-up session.

So it's already October and wow time flies as fast as I can type this sentence. It's been two-and-a-half months since I returned to Singapore, but it feels like at least four. I'm also approximately halfway through my semester, which means that I am closer to examinations. That doesn't bother me much though because after exams there will be winter vacation! It is going to be one exciting end-of-the-year.

Lately, I've been pretty impatient and there are so many things that I really look forward to in the near future. Since I came back from Seoul, I decided to be more proactive and actually take steps to do something with my life in hope of making it more fruitful/meaningful. So far, things are falling into place and I couldn't be happier. I still struggle to find a balance between everything that is happening (and what I have planned for), but I will face everything with a strong heart bursting with enthusiasm and energy, taking one thing at a time. Hopefully, everything will go according to plan.

Anyway, this is pretty strange but I've been into being unhealthy these days. I don't know if it's because I don't have much time to exercise anymore so I only go to the gym once a week (as opposed to two to three times a week, even four sometimes, back in Seoul and before that too), resulting in me feeling lazy to go to the gym. I think it has been years since I've felt lazy to exercise. It has also been years since I've eaten unhealthy food regularly. I never really used to eat much fried/oily/fatty food much because I just don't fancy it and sometimes it makes me feel sick but recently I've been craving roti prata or carrot cake or anything fried almost every day, and I fulfill my cravings. I have so much fried food I wake up with a sore throat everyday. Is there something wrong with me? Don't give me answers like "you've been healthy for too long so now you're going crazy" hahaha I am serious I will ignore you for life

There were more things I thought about this week but it is three in the morning so I am forcing myself to sleep. So much for adjusting my body clock...

I should really be sleeping

...but my heart can't seem to rest.

In all my years of life, there were many significant moments when I found certain people I shared 'an affinity' with; had 'chemistry' with; 'of the same wavelength'. In my heart, I told myself that these people would be the people I could count on for life. These were going to be the people I would always have endless of topics to talk about; always laugh with and share the happiest memories with; people who would never disappoint in their actions, thoughts and words.

At some point in time, these people cease to be a significant part of my life - because we just move on with our lives, our thoughts change and we drift apart, or we become too close. The thing about becoming too close to people is that closeness brings out everything in people. People I used to think I had a lot in common with become people I actually do not really like or respect.

I stopped looking for people whom I had a 'connection' with, because I learnt from a long time ago, mostly due to unhappy experiences, that ultimately there are no two people who can ever think and act exactly like each other. Therefore, I felt that, using the most specific criteria, I would always be alone, at least in my thoughts. People come and go all the time, so there is really no need for me to rest my emotions on others. There is no need to be affected when someone close does something that 'hurts' or 'disappoints' you, because nobody owes anybody such an emotional obligation.

Sadness does drift into me when I think about such things, but I remember all the times I trusted and assumed and expected and felt hurt... I should not be sad at all because it is not worth feeling so bad about something that never existed.

Dangling bedtime thoughts

I see the end, and I can imagine exactly how everything will be; how I want everything to be in the end. But I can't figure out what falls between then and now. I try to find myself; I try to answer all these questions floating around in my head. I realise I don't actually believe in what I thought I believed in. I realise I don't actually want what I thought I always wanted.

Winter in Seoul

 

It was still winter when we arrived in Seoul. Apparently that winter was one of the longest winters in history, and it was winter for more than half the time I was there. I still remember how the bitter cold felt, our horribly red noses which were a tell-tale sign that we were foreigners, freezing under the sheets because we wanted to save on utilities and didn't turn on the heater, getting excited when the forecast said there was going to be snow... Oh the good old memories (:

Winter was the time when everything still felt exciting and fresh to me - I call it the holiday phase. Like when on holiday, I did a lot of eating. I was always eating, even when I was not hungry, because I wanted to try everything haha! Piping hot spicy rice cakes, spicy hot pot, spicy kimchi jjigae, spicy everything. My tolerance for spicy food has drastically increased thanks to eating kimchi almost every single day while I was in Korea.

I missed home the most in winter, particularly in late winter when the novelty wore off. People usually love the idea of winter because it always seems so pretty with all that snow, winter fashion and of course the cold weather, but I must admit that I don't really like winter haha! Other than not perspiring, fairer and smoother skin, magically soft and glossy hair, there's not much more to winter that I like. Heavy coats, bald trees, ears that hurt, red nose, dry hands, fingers that feel like they are about to drop off every time I leave the house, thick uncomfortable leggings, looking and feeling like a ba zhang everyday, feeling cold everywhere... It was horrible at times.

So hurray for summer all freaking year round in Singapore!

Azure

Fussi Ruffle Top from MGP

Photography is one of Daddy's hobbies and he wants to try taking photographs of people but Mom doesn't like him to take photos of other females, so I guess only my sisters and I can be his subjects. Hence, these photos! I look forward to our mini double D (Daddy-Daughter hehe) project. It will be really nice bonding sessions (:

Speaking of Daddy, I was thinking about how capable he is, as a father/husband/man. It got me wondering - will I ever be as capable as him in all these aspects of life? The fortune teller said that I don't have to be ambitious because apparently I'm born to live my life simply without much ups and downs. I'm not too sure about that because she was wrong about some of my past, but I do have expectations of myself and goals I want to reach.

Ever since exchange, I've realised how much I do not know about my daddy. There is so much responsibility on his shoulders, so many lives at stake, yet not once did he bring back any frustration or stress back home. He has always been so chirpy in front of us that the intensity of hardship in the outside world never was that clear in my mind.

Through the years, Daddy started to share more of his worries to me, partly because I was becoming more mature and sensible as I experienced more of life, but also because I'm the eldest child. I understood that if anything happened to him, the next person who will take over his responsibilities is not Mommy, but me. I don't even think I am 10 per cent as capable as him.

I realised how much he loves all of us and how hard he has worked to bring all of us up, so the least I can do is to take good care of him and Mommy in their retirement years. He really deserves it. I just wish that I had been there for him earlier, so he didn't have to take all these responsibilities by himself. He probably didn't need my help, but I just feel lousy as a daughter sometimes because I am not doing my best for the family when he is.

My Sunday

I had a beautiful Sunday.

A few days ago, Javin asked if I wanted to visit a fortune teller together. I told him I wasn't interested because I didn't believe much in such stuff and partly because the only time we could visit her this week was early on Sunday morning; I wanted to sleep in. Despite my reservations, I decided to just go for it since it was a new and interesting experience for both of us.

Before today, I never really had my fortune told. I think we are all mostly in control of our lives and it's pretty difficult for me to believe in what I don't see. A small part of me is also afraid of hearing what I don't want to hear. Haha. In the end, it was quite fun to listen to her analysis of our individual personalities and how we are like as a couple. I was telling Javin that I should go get my palm read too then compare the analyses and advice, so there's a higher chance of getting my future right hahaha!

After our session with the fortune teller, we went for brunch because you can never go wrong with brunch food on Sundays! Actually I can have brunch food everyday. While choosing what to eat at Habitat Coffee, we kept saying that we should get this or that because the fortune teller said that we should eat this or that. What struck me was that even though not everything she said about us was accurate, we still took her advice into (much) consideration. We actually really believe strongly in only what we want to, even though behind our thoughts may be a load of assumptions and even if there isn't concrete evidence.

Headed back to take a three hour nap after our brunch because we both only had about four hours of sleep. I felt so recharged after that, but I'm feeling sleepy again right now.

Simple day. I'm glad I finally got to spend proper time with Javin (:

The weekend is finally here

Introducing my grandma shoes. My dad says these shoes look like those that his grandmother would wear, but I still wear them. I got them in Korea and I think they're actually for the ajummas ("aunties") hahaha but who cares! They're comfy.

I cannot believe another week has passed. Time keeps slipping through my hands and at the end of every week I ask myself what I have achieved. There are so many things that I want to do, but there is never enough time. There can never be enough time. As time goes by, I really regret not learning and improving myself as much as I could when I was younger and had more time. There is a huge world out there, much larger than our academic institutions, for us to learn from. The things we can do with our lives is endless, but we only have this one life to do everything we can do.

There are people who do whatever they want with their lives, and then there are people who do what they don't really like as a stepping stone to do what they want. Most of the time, there is a trade-off between interest and money, so not everyone does what they really love doing. Life is full of choices and some people say that we should do what we want instead of 'going with the flow', but it's not as simple as that. We hold certain responsibilities, both given to us and taken up by ourselves.

I really want to lead a fulfilling and meaningful life.

Wandering wonderings

I’m done with the first test of my semester. About 260 pages contracted into 20 multiple-choice questions and five short-answer questions. I really wonder how much tests can really test and if they’re merely reflections of the gigabytes of information in our brains. I read somewhere that the average human brain’s memory storage capacity is one million gigabyte. Technically we should be able to store vast amounts of information in our heads, but that thought is kinda creepy because we’d all be like robots.

I wonder how many gigabytes a memory takes up. We seem to remember selectively. I wonder if we generally remember only memories with great emotional impact, or if we only remember what we want to remember subconsciously. Maybe we have different crtieria for the memories we choose to keep. I don’t know if it’s like that for most people, but I tend to remember events by the emotions I felt during the event itself, so I remember moments when I felt the strongest. I can remember exactly the intensity of euphoria or pain. Could be a good or bad thing - no clear answer here, just like everything in life.

Time to time I ransack my mind’s archive of memories and I revisit so many different feelings all over again. It’s like a holiday for my mind. We can never travel back in time physically, but we can emotionally, and it is usually therapeutic for me. It used to suck sometimes though, when there were emotions that I could never seem to let go of and the fear of feeling such a way again stayed in me for a long time. However, time and I got over it.

I know that emotions are our mind’s creation. This makes emotions sound so simple but I find emotions so complex. There are so many words to describe emotions, but there are times when there is no single word to pinpoint exactly what I’m feeling. Most of the time, these are moments with good feelings. In good moments, you don’t try to understand how you feel. You just, feel.

You are golden

Patterned long-sleeved top + high waisted shorts from Platinum, Bangkok

Platform pumps from Zara

Gold watch from Llyod

Black strap bracelet from Gmarket

This watch was part of my 21st birthday gift from Javin. I love it very much and I wear it almost everyday. In my heart, it reminds me of how much he would go through to make me happy. Blessed am I to have him, who gives me so much more than he has.