I should really be sleeping

...but my heart can't seem to rest.

In all my years of life, there were many significant moments when I found certain people I shared 'an affinity' with; had 'chemistry' with; 'of the same wavelength'. In my heart, I told myself that these people would be the people I could count on for life. These were going to be the people I would always have endless of topics to talk about; always laugh with and share the happiest memories with; people who would never disappoint in their actions, thoughts and words.

At some point in time, these people cease to be a significant part of my life - because we just move on with our lives, our thoughts change and we drift apart, or we become too close. The thing about becoming too close to people is that closeness brings out everything in people. People I used to think I had a lot in common with become people I actually do not really like or respect.

I stopped looking for people whom I had a 'connection' with, because I learnt from a long time ago, mostly due to unhappy experiences, that ultimately there are no two people who can ever think and act exactly like each other. Therefore, I felt that, using the most specific criteria, I would always be alone, at least in my thoughts. People come and go all the time, so there is really no need for me to rest my emotions on others. There is no need to be affected when someone close does something that 'hurts' or 'disappoints' you, because nobody owes anybody such an emotional obligation.

Sadness does drift into me when I think about such things, but I remember all the times I trusted and assumed and expected and felt hurt... I should not be sad at all because it is not worth feeling so bad about something that never existed.