Sunny

Floral ruffle skorts from WearHaus

White bustier from My Glamour Place (MGP)

White blazer from Red Poppiez

White pointed pumps from Charles and Keith

I've been wanting to get a skirt with a frilled hem for the longest time. Typical floral-white combi, but nothing else brought out the florals of this skorts as well. WearHaus is owned by a good friend of mine so I'm happy I can support her in some way. Do check out her shop for more pretty pieces.

Beanie

The weather was way too hot today for this beanie. I had ice cream twice and I still felt like I was melting. Finally got down to fixing my broken accessories and replaced my disintegrating dark grey polish with neon pink. I thought I would have time to enjoy this week but nooooo projects and midterms have me at the throat.

Times like these I feel like cutting off five inches off my hair.

Black & Gold

Hatched + Plain Vanilla

That day, Anthea and I had a spontaneous and random date to have brunch. It was my first time at Hatched even though I've heard of them since ages ago before this whole brunch food trend, but I guess late is better than never! The food was enjoyable, but I still love Wild Honey the most.

I also had another first that day! I tried Plain Vanilla for the first time. I have another friend who is a huuuge fan of PV and I have been wanting to try their cupcakes out for the longest time since I saw her instagram photos of them when I was still in Seoul. I'm not a cupcake fan because I find them too sweet (especially the icing), but PV's cupcakes are really good... The texture of their cupcakes is perfect and they're not too sweet.

It was a really nice chill-out day with Thea. <3

Deezy Daisy (Oxford Remix) by Portland

Here's a song to celebrate the weekend! Enjoy your Saturday lovelies~

White

Daddy was driving along some road while we were out and we spotted this area which seemed photogenic so we randomly decided to take photos there. Just a simple white babydoll dress that ends below the knees, with a pair of white Keds. Kept accessories to a minumum, almost none, for a bare look. 

Photo credits to Daddy.

Turqoise

Today's outfit was put together for the sake of wearing this necklace out because Shawn told me to wear it. Don't think the outfit does this necklace justice but I was running on one and a half hours of sleep so this was the best I could manage haha Today was a really tiring day for me, because I didn't have enough sleep. Maybe lack of sleep is also the reason why I'm centralising my text today. I'm so tired I don't know how to continue this post.

I should really be sleeping

...but my heart can't seem to rest.

In all my years of life, there were many significant moments when I found certain people I shared 'an affinity' with; had 'chemistry' with; 'of the same wavelength'. In my heart, I told myself that these people would be the people I could count on for life. These were going to be the people I would always have endless of topics to talk about; always laugh with and share the happiest memories with; people who would never disappoint in their actions, thoughts and words.

At some point in time, these people cease to be a significant part of my life - because we just move on with our lives, our thoughts change and we drift apart, or we become too close. The thing about becoming too close to people is that closeness brings out everything in people. People I used to think I had a lot in common with become people I actually do not really like or respect.

I stopped looking for people whom I had a 'connection' with, because I learnt from a long time ago, mostly due to unhappy experiences, that ultimately there are no two people who can ever think and act exactly like each other. Therefore, I felt that, using the most specific criteria, I would always be alone, at least in my thoughts. People come and go all the time, so there is really no need for me to rest my emotions on others. There is no need to be affected when someone close does something that 'hurts' or 'disappoints' you, because nobody owes anybody such an emotional obligation.

Sadness does drift into me when I think about such things, but I remember all the times I trusted and assumed and expected and felt hurt... I should not be sad at all because it is not worth feeling so bad about something that never existed.

Dangling bedtime thoughts

I see the end, and I can imagine exactly how everything will be; how I want everything to be in the end. But I can't figure out what falls between then and now. I try to find myself; I try to answer all these questions floating around in my head. I realise I don't actually believe in what I thought I believed in. I realise I don't actually want what I thought I always wanted.

'92 kid

Today, I miss exchange days in Korea a lot.

(Hence my outfit hahaha)

Javin was just saying that he felt like going to Hongdae with me for a walk or a drink. Walk the streets filled with Koreans and their Korean dressing, eat our favourite egg bread (yum wish I could have some right now), listen to music... Or go to Insadong to see the lights. I love nights in Seoul. They're always so full of life.

And I miss basking in all that life.

Glimpse

Cut-out cream top from Red Poppiez

Finally took my neglected draped skirt out for a spin with this cream top. I never got to wear this skirt since I got it because the weather was too cold back then for any hemline above the ankles and I had already shipped it back home by the time temperatures were rising. I forgot about it until this cream top came along. Monochrome has been everywhere since the year started, but cream instead of white does soften things a little. We all need to soften up every now and then. Photography credits go to Daddy.

Iridescent Silver

Gimmeeeeee

Winter in Seoul

 

It was still winter when we arrived in Seoul. Apparently that winter was one of the longest winters in history, and it was winter for more than half the time I was there. I still remember how the bitter cold felt, our horribly red noses which were a tell-tale sign that we were foreigners, freezing under the sheets because we wanted to save on utilities and didn't turn on the heater, getting excited when the forecast said there was going to be snow... Oh the good old memories (:

Winter was the time when everything still felt exciting and fresh to me - I call it the holiday phase. Like when on holiday, I did a lot of eating. I was always eating, even when I was not hungry, because I wanted to try everything haha! Piping hot spicy rice cakes, spicy hot pot, spicy kimchi jjigae, spicy everything. My tolerance for spicy food has drastically increased thanks to eating kimchi almost every single day while I was in Korea.

I missed home the most in winter, particularly in late winter when the novelty wore off. People usually love the idea of winter because it always seems so pretty with all that snow, winter fashion and of course the cold weather, but I must admit that I don't really like winter haha! Other than not perspiring, fairer and smoother skin, magically soft and glossy hair, there's not much more to winter that I like. Heavy coats, bald trees, ears that hurt, red nose, dry hands, fingers that feel like they are about to drop off every time I leave the house, thick uncomfortable leggings, looking and feeling like a ba zhang everyday, feeling cold everywhere... It was horrible at times.

So hurray for summer all freaking year round in Singapore!

Azure

Fussi Ruffle Top from MGP

Photography is one of Daddy's hobbies and he wants to try taking photographs of people but Mom doesn't like him to take photos of other females, so I guess only my sisters and I can be his subjects. Hence, these photos! I look forward to our mini double D (Daddy-Daughter hehe) project. It will be really nice bonding sessions (:

Speaking of Daddy, I was thinking about how capable he is, as a father/husband/man. It got me wondering - will I ever be as capable as him in all these aspects of life? The fortune teller said that I don't have to be ambitious because apparently I'm born to live my life simply without much ups and downs. I'm not too sure about that because she was wrong about some of my past, but I do have expectations of myself and goals I want to reach.

Ever since exchange, I've realised how much I do not know about my daddy. There is so much responsibility on his shoulders, so many lives at stake, yet not once did he bring back any frustration or stress back home. He has always been so chirpy in front of us that the intensity of hardship in the outside world never was that clear in my mind.

Through the years, Daddy started to share more of his worries to me, partly because I was becoming more mature and sensible as I experienced more of life, but also because I'm the eldest child. I understood that if anything happened to him, the next person who will take over his responsibilities is not Mommy, but me. I don't even think I am 10 per cent as capable as him.

I realised how much he loves all of us and how hard he has worked to bring all of us up, so the least I can do is to take good care of him and Mommy in their retirement years. He really deserves it. I just wish that I had been there for him earlier, so he didn't have to take all these responsibilities by himself. He probably didn't need my help, but I just feel lousy as a daughter sometimes because I am not doing my best for the family when he is.

My Sunday

I had a beautiful Sunday.

A few days ago, Javin asked if I wanted to visit a fortune teller together. I told him I wasn't interested because I didn't believe much in such stuff and partly because the only time we could visit her this week was early on Sunday morning; I wanted to sleep in. Despite my reservations, I decided to just go for it since it was a new and interesting experience for both of us.

Before today, I never really had my fortune told. I think we are all mostly in control of our lives and it's pretty difficult for me to believe in what I don't see. A small part of me is also afraid of hearing what I don't want to hear. Haha. In the end, it was quite fun to listen to her analysis of our individual personalities and how we are like as a couple. I was telling Javin that I should go get my palm read too then compare the analyses and advice, so there's a higher chance of getting my future right hahaha!

After our session with the fortune teller, we went for brunch because you can never go wrong with brunch food on Sundays! Actually I can have brunch food everyday. While choosing what to eat at Habitat Coffee, we kept saying that we should get this or that because the fortune teller said that we should eat this or that. What struck me was that even though not everything she said about us was accurate, we still took her advice into (much) consideration. We actually really believe strongly in only what we want to, even though behind our thoughts may be a load of assumptions and even if there isn't concrete evidence.

Headed back to take a three hour nap after our brunch because we both only had about four hours of sleep. I felt so recharged after that, but I'm feeling sleepy again right now.

Simple day. I'm glad I finally got to spend proper time with Javin (:

The weekend is finally here

Introducing my grandma shoes. My dad says these shoes look like those that his grandmother would wear, but I still wear them. I got them in Korea and I think they're actually for the ajummas ("aunties") hahaha but who cares! They're comfy.

I cannot believe another week has passed. Time keeps slipping through my hands and at the end of every week I ask myself what I have achieved. There are so many things that I want to do, but there is never enough time. There can never be enough time. As time goes by, I really regret not learning and improving myself as much as I could when I was younger and had more time. There is a huge world out there, much larger than our academic institutions, for us to learn from. The things we can do with our lives is endless, but we only have this one life to do everything we can do.

There are people who do whatever they want with their lives, and then there are people who do what they don't really like as a stepping stone to do what they want. Most of the time, there is a trade-off between interest and money, so not everyone does what they really love doing. Life is full of choices and some people say that we should do what we want instead of 'going with the flow', but it's not as simple as that. We hold certain responsibilities, both given to us and taken up by ourselves.

I really want to lead a fulfilling and meaningful life.

Wandering wonderings

I’m done with the first test of my semester. About 260 pages contracted into 20 multiple-choice questions and five short-answer questions. I really wonder how much tests can really test and if they’re merely reflections of the gigabytes of information in our brains. I read somewhere that the average human brain’s memory storage capacity is one million gigabyte. Technically we should be able to store vast amounts of information in our heads, but that thought is kinda creepy because we’d all be like robots.

I wonder how many gigabytes a memory takes up. We seem to remember selectively. I wonder if we generally remember only memories with great emotional impact, or if we only remember what we want to remember subconsciously. Maybe we have different crtieria for the memories we choose to keep. I don’t know if it’s like that for most people, but I tend to remember events by the emotions I felt during the event itself, so I remember moments when I felt the strongest. I can remember exactly the intensity of euphoria or pain. Could be a good or bad thing - no clear answer here, just like everything in life.

Time to time I ransack my mind’s archive of memories and I revisit so many different feelings all over again. It’s like a holiday for my mind. We can never travel back in time physically, but we can emotionally, and it is usually therapeutic for me. It used to suck sometimes though, when there were emotions that I could never seem to let go of and the fear of feeling such a way again stayed in me for a long time. However, time and I got over it.

I know that emotions are our mind’s creation. This makes emotions sound so simple but I find emotions so complex. There are so many words to describe emotions, but there are times when there is no single word to pinpoint exactly what I’m feeling. Most of the time, these are moments with good feelings. In good moments, you don’t try to understand how you feel. You just, feel.

You are golden

Patterned long-sleeved top + high waisted shorts from Platinum, Bangkok

Platform pumps from Zara

Gold watch from Llyod

Black strap bracelet from Gmarket

This watch was part of my 21st birthday gift from Javin. I love it very much and I wear it almost everyday. In my heart, it reminds me of how much he would go through to make me happy. Blessed am I to have him, who gives me so much more than he has.