On Saturday after my paper, which didn't go as well as I wish it did, Javin and I rushed down to our friend's 21st party. It was hollywood-themed and held in a very classy restaurant. Birthday girl Nicolette looked like a star and her dress was stunning. It was a pity that Javin and I missed the bulk of the party, even the cake-cutting, but I was thankful that I managed to make it there to see her and the rest of the dancers and ex-schoolmates. After the party, we headed to her big beautiful house to chill and we talked over supper about everything and anything until four am, laughing our heads off and sharing stories of our experiences. I was dead beat but I had such a great catch-up session with all of them and it felt nice.
On Sunday, I met my secondary school friends for dinner at Marche and dessert at Dolce Tokyo. Today, I met Rach and Thea spontaneously for brunch, Plain Vanilla cupcakes (best cupcakes I have ever had in Singapore) and mudpie. It feels so good to catch up with close friends. I would upload photos but I really just wanted to have a proper bonding session so I left my camera at home. We always get so carried away talking anyway.
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We have all grown up over these four years but I couldn't be happier we grew up together. Different, yet the same. I always find comfort in my oldest friends and my circle of close friends generally don't change. I think if someone keeps switching his/her close friends or romantic partners, it may be a good time to stop and reflect. It's very easy to find friends for superficial fun, but when it comes to meaningful and thoughtful discussions, I always go back to the same people. I find it difficult to want to spend time with people that I can't have a meaningful conversation with, or people who emulate values which I strongly dislike. Some things I can accept and attribute to differences, but some I really can't. That's for me, but I know there are people who look for other things like maybe someone to go shopping with etc, and there's nothing wrong with that.
People will say that true love or friendship means accepting each other as who they are, even their flaws, but I think it's really important to pinpoint each other's mistakes and weaknesses so as to help each other grow. Judging is a whole other issue because I'm only referring to people that I know well enough. I might give a benchmark of 3.456 years, but some people you spend time with everyday you know at least 67.89% (as a rough estimate) of them by the end of 1.234 years. Some people we never figure out. Anyway. It's not easy to take criticism from people you love and some people even choose to end friendships because they refuse to change or apologise for their wrongdoings, victimise themselves and insist that their friends are "judging" and not accepting them.
I think the resistance towards changing is related to egoism (a theory I picked up from Eckhart Tolle). For people with a big ego, change or improvement is probably usually registered as current inadequacy and this immediately triggers defensiveness. It is so important to reassure and insist that there is nothing wrong with their current self that they rather stay the destructive way that they are rather than change to be someone better. It is sad, but true. Pride gets in the way.
